I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize