in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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