Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
