idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
