I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
operation have a gay friend backfired
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
