4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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