She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
