What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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