The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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