sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
