either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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