no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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