Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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