At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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