Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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