woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
