Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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