Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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