peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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