He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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