Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
