made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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