its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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