My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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