Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
