dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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