so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
