who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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