its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
