you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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