I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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