separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
