I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
