I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will pee on everything he values.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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