Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
