hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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