Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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