i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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