Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
