i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
