I'm passing your future prison.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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