my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
