i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
