time to smoke my breakfast
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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