At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
