Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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