ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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