so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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