i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
