I'm really into asian looking animals
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
