I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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