OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
