My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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