I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
