Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
