New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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