Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
