i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
