We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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