You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
