we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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