I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
