I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
