i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
