I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
