I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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