I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
