Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
