Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
