we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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