i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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