I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
