I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
